if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
