I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
