I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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