i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Randomize
