if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Shitshow foam night was such a success
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
