i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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