i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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