More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You smell like a Billy Joel song
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
