He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
