im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
