no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
