i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
