for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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