He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
