im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
