We're like a lot better than the average bears
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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