i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
