Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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