I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
