I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
