I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
