We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
