Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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