just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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