Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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