btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
