Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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