8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
