You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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