Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
