the new term for farting is butt boxing.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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