And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I touched a dick in church today
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