Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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