I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
