just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
