My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
