Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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