Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
