i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I am midnight drunk by noon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
