No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
