Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
