I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
