This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
