You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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