I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
