I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
