Life is so much better after having sex.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
