Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
