Welp...herpes.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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