She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
