If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
