Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
