the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
