Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
