thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
