Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
