He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
