Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
