i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
