Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
