you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
