So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Randomize
